Convicted

On the way home from our weekly lunch date with Dad today, I listened to a very convicting conversation on the radio. They were discussing the way we interact with one another as Chrsitians, and even as strangers. I tuned in when they were talking about how we live in a world full of distractions, and how our attention is almost always divided between the people we are actually speaking to, and what is going on at work, or Facebook, or the overwhelming need to check our phones. (Convicted!) He talked about how Jesus was always busy and being pulled in different directions, but always stopped to give his full attention to people. I sometimes forget how important this is! We have all had those awkward moments when we are trying to talk about something we feel is important, and the other person checks their phone, or tunes into something else rather than what you're saying. It feels so nice to be able to talk to someone and really feel like they're listening! They also talked about how we do this with complete strangers, whether it be customer service on the phone, or traffic, or the slow person at the grocery store. Don't they know we don't have time for that? We don't have time to drive 5 mph slower, we don't have time to smile and be patient as you scan 20 coupons that don't work, and we CERTAINLY don't have time to show kindness after we have been on hold for 20 minutes with 5 different recordings only to talk to a person with an accent we can't understand. They brought up Hebrews 10:34 and how these Christians joyfully accepted the plundering of their properties to help their brothers/sisters in prison. They said that the decision to be joyful doesn't take place only when your things are being plundered, it is an attitude that is cultivated in the Christian over time and endurance of much smaller plunderings, such as that extra 5 minutes you spent in traffic this morning. I know that God works all things for our good and His glory. I know that he is continuously sanctifying us. It just seems so easy to justify my impatience and lack of attentiveness because, of course, I'm a busy person! Sigh. I'm so selfish! I can so easily forget that my purpose in life is to live for the glory of God, and my bad attitude certainly doesn't glorify Him. Unfortunately, my family....you know, the ones I love so dearly, are usually on the receiving end of my impatience. I supposed it is time, again, to purge the unnecessary distractions from my life.

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:12-14

Dreams

Last night I had an awful dream. I dreamt that all of my babies died, right in front of me. I woke up and my heart literally hurt, I could barely catch my breath. I almost instantly thought of the sorrow God must have felt as His Son was upon the cross, absorbing the wrath of God for sin. I was reminded of what a great sacrifice it was, and how vile and horrible sin is. I'm thankful that in Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection, he has ransomed for Himself all who would repent and trust in His work on the cross. Thank you Father for this reminder, I need it often.

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

VBS week....check!

We survived the week of VBS! This year I taught 1st and 2nd grade. It was a wonderful group of kids, and I really enjoyed it! We basically covered the birth, childhood, temptation, death and resurrection,  and ascension of Jesus over 5 days. It was very, very gospel saturated. My house suffered all week, so I was very ready to get up this morning and clean it. All I've got left is laundry now. Kaylee has been so sweet, and asking what she can do to help me. :)
Josiah started to stand by himself for a second or two this week, and started saying his version of Kaylee. I can't believe he is almost a year old!
Next week Brian is taking a few days off, so I'm REALLY excited to spend some time with him. :)

Ahhhh...sleep!!

I'm proud to announce that after nearly a year, Josiah is FINALLY sleeping through the night! At least this week he is. ;) It could be because of late night's due to vbs... but I'll take it! I think this week at vbs is also going to be helpful in the weaning process. He hasn't been nursing nearly as often this week. My little guy is growing up!! :)

Why do I need a title anyways?! ;)

Just wanted to jot a few things down.
Kaylee and Brian stayed at their Papa's house this Thursday night, and we picked them up Saturday. I was so lost without them! Even though they drive me crazy with fighting and bickering most days, the house was too quiet without them. *Edited to add a story. While at Papa and Grandma's house, the kids were offered a coke. We don't give them coke, everyone knows that. Kaylee said no, we aren't supposed to drink coke. Now, it wouldn't be the end of the world if they drank it, we just prefer they not. So her Grandma told her " You're at Grandma's house, it will be ok." My sweet little girl still refused, she knew she wasn't supposed to. I'm so very proud of her. She had the opportunity to do something against our wishes without our knowing, but chose not to. I'm thankful for the character she is developing. <br>
Brian took me on a date this weekend. We went to dinner and a movie. It was nice to spend time with him. I think it is so important for parents to get some time alone. Not just after the kids to go bed, but intentional time where you can enjoy each others company. I don't want to go through life raising kids, and wind up strangers when the kids leave home because we didn't take time to ourselves.
Josiah started saying "dada". FINALLY!! :) We have been working on that for months now! I can't believe the little guy is going to be a year old soon. I wanted to throw him a big party at the park, but waited too long and everything is booked. I'm not sure what to do now, but I'm thinking of just doing a small party at home, mainly with family.
VBS is this week, and I'm teaching 1st and 2nd grade. I'm NERVOUS. lol. I always get nervous.
I can never think of blog titles. Can you tell? ;)

And so it begins..

Yesterday I had to have a long talk with Kaylee about things that seem beyond her age. She was talking about crushes (even though she has no clue what that even means), I caught her playing "switch boyfriends" with her barbies, and once I walked in and caught her wearing a shirt as a really short dress. I think the last one bothered me the most. I asked her why she was doing that and she told me she wanted to be "girly". I asked what that meant, and she told me she wanted to be pretty. I asked her why she would think that makes her pretty and she told me because she sees women dress like that. It made me sad that at 6 she has already bought into the idea that beauty is merely external, and that less is more when it comes to clothing. I had a long talk with her about boys, dating and God's design in marriage, modesty and what God says true beauty is. I don't want her to follow after this world and it's ways. I don't want to overreact, but I also don't want her to continue on in thinking that her beauty depends on what she wears and how much she shows. Please pray for me, that I would be a good example to her, and that I can diligently teach her what scripture says beautiful is.

Change

Josiah has been changing so much lately!! He is learning new little things that excite me a little too much lol. Last week he started walking behind his walker, using a chair at church as a walker, clapping, saying "mmm" when he eats something good, throwing the basketball in the goal of his toy, and trying to copy the noise when Brian blows his nose. It's just an amazing experience to see them learning and discovering new things. Last week we had a playdate with some friends. There was a splashpad and 2 little pools. Jo loved the water! He was quite the handful that day, and required close attention, but he really had a fun time playing.

Life as I know it

I have been SO busy lately! For months now I've been waiting for things to get "back to normal", but I'm finally coming to the realization that maybe busy IS the new normal. I'm learning to be content with that. I'm learning that means I'll have to keep my priorities straight if I plan to balance things properly. Unfortunately that means that housework is a higher priority and things like blogging are a much lower priority. I wanted to post about some recent things though, because it has been a crazy, busy couple of weeks, but well worth documenting.
Friday before last Brian's mom came to watch Josiah, and Brian, Bubs, Kaylee and I all headed to Schlitterbahn in Galveston to meet some good friends of ours and spend the day. I had so much fun, probably the most fun I've had all year! It was great to spend some time just playing with my babies, and enjoying the company of my husband and friends. It's been awhile since we had a fun day out like that, and we've never been able to ride things all together because someone was always too small. The kids really enjoyed themselves, and I definitely see us going back again.
The next day one of my best friends got married, and I was in her wedding! She made a beautiful bride, and I was thankful to be able to share this day with her. She was in my wedding too. It's crazy that we are all grown up now! While getting my hair done, the lady asked me how long I've known her, and I realized that it has been about 13 years! We helped set up and clean up for her reception, and it was so sweet to watch how hard Kaylee worked. That little girl is so precious, and truly LOVES to help people. It warms my heart to see her be so willing to help in any way she can.
Thursday was Kaylee's 6th birthday! Okay...it was mine too, but I tend to forget about that. I spend so much time and effort preparing for Kaylee's birthday that I forget I'm having one too. I'm okay with that. ;) Thursday we went and ate donuts for breakfast (per her request!). Chrissy came by at lunch and brought us both a sweet card, and a sweet treat! :) We had family over for dinner, and my mom made her girls their favorite, Chicken and dumplings! We opened presents, at cupcakes, and enjoyed each others company. Her favorite gifts this year were her barbie car and her Ken doll (Thanks, Uncle Fred!) Friday we had our first slumber party! I found a cute idea on Pinterest to do a movie night. So I set up a concession stand complete with sugary drinks, pizza, popcorn, and chocolate. I had made each of the girls a shirt that said B.F.F on it, and gave them silly string, play money (for the concession stand) and a ticket for the movie. Kaylee loved it, and asked if we can do it every year for her birthday. ;) The girls didn't make it all the way through the movie before they were ready to go play outside, so outside we went. They played on the swings, in the dirt, and with bugs...you know, all the fun stuff girls do at sleepovers. ;) Then we came in, showered, brushed hair, and read a book. They were giggly and playing until about 10:30, when I finally had to sit there until they all fell asleep. :) 6:08 the next morning (I know, because Mia had apparently looked at the clock) the girls woke up. By 6:30 they were all up in full play mode. We ate donuts, and headed to the beach! We were worried we wouldn't be able to make it because it might rain, but the weather was perfect for the beach! The girls had a great time! I'm so thankful for such sweet friends for my babies, and for me! I'm thankful that their parents entrusted me with them for the night. I'm thankful for my super amazing husband who is such a trooper, and helps out SO much! I'm thankful for my wonderful mother who watched my boys so I could spend some time with my girl...and who gave birth to me! ;) I'm thankful for my sweet baby girl and every single day that I get to spend with her. Most of all, I'm thankful for the grace of God, and every blessing he has given me. =)

In honor of finishing first grade!

Dear Kaylee,

We just finished our first official year of homeschooling! Yay!! Since we did a pre-k/kindergarten curriculum (unknowingly) that would prepare you for first grade, we decided to skip kindergarten and just start on first grade. While we were shopping for curriculum, we found that we had already covered everything in the kindergarten curriculum, and that we would just need to improve on reading a bit to be on track, so we bought the book "Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons". You've done exceedingly well, very rarely struggling to learn anything. I'm amazed at how easily you grasp things, and how quickly you learn. You'll say you hate school, but something tells me that isn't entirely true. You don't see the way your face lights up when you get almost all of the answers right, or how fascinated you are by learning new things. If you struggle, even a little bit, you're ready to give up and walk away. That is your biggest downfall, and that is what makes you hate it. You learn the most in the middle of the struggle-that is a life lesson that is applicable in a lot of situations. I know it seems difficult, and sometimes easier to just walk away, but struggles are the way we grow. You'll use that advice in school, and in life, I promise. This year has by far been one of the hardest years for me. You are strong willed (much like your momma) and you gave me a lot of difficult days. On most days, we could finish school in 2 1/2 to 3 hours. On good days, it would be 1 1/2 or 2. On really bad days, it would be 4 or more. This year has not come and gone without yelling, tears (from both of us!), spankings, groundings, and losing toys. We also had countless smiles, giggles, field trips, rewards, prayers, and hands on teaching moments. You've learned how to add, subtract, fractions, homonyms, synonyms, antonyms, a LOT of spelling, and so much more! You've also taught me a lot about myself. You've shown me how unloving and impatient I can be. You've shown me that I am often selfish, and I am in great need of grace. While I wouldn't admit it in those moments, I am thankful for that. I am thankful that by the grace of God, I'm not who I was when we started this year. Second grade, Lord willing, will be better. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be your mom and teacher. It isn't always pretty. Homeschooling is a difficult task at times, but so very worth it. I love seeing you learn, I love teaching you, and I love spending so much time together. I love you, sweet girl. More than you'll ever know.

Love,

Mom

Sometimes it just hits you

As I was sorting through my junk emails, I came across one from Gerber that says "Your 11 month old..." and got slightly sad. It hit me that I would have a baby almost a year old by now! In August of last year, I had a miscarriage. I would have been due in January. While the loss still saddens me, I'm thankful for the small amount of time I was given to carry that child. EVERY child is a gift, and that one was no exception. I trust God's goodness and faithfulness, it was always in his hands. Today, I'll choose to be thankful for the gift of 15 weeks of pregnancy with that child. I'll be thankful for the 3 other children he has blessed me with, and any future children he may give to us. I'll be thankful for the ability to be at home, raising and teaching and loving on my kids. I'll be thankful for the ability to go to God in prayer, knowing he hears me and he cares for me. I'll be thankful for the reminder of how blessed I am, and the reminder that many moms around the world are hurting right now. Somewhere around the world right now, a mother has lost a child. If you're that mother, know that I've just said a prayer for you.

Josiah

Just wanted to share some of the photos my super talented photographer friend Mindy took. She is an amazing wedding photographer. I'm so thankful for these pictures, she captured such sweet moments. =)

I AM alive!

Wow, it has been about 2 months since I even visited this blog! Sad, I know. Truth is, it just hasn't been a priority. I just thought I would stop by and update for a minute.
Josiah is 2 months old now. 11 weeks to be exact. He is such a sweet baby. He hardly ever fusses, sleeps through all the chaos, and is always very generous with his smiles. He is truly a joy to me. I am still nursing, and it is going great. My only problem is that he doesn't want to take a bottle. He has taken a half of a bottle for my mom once, but he wont even touch it for Brian. This makes things difficult at times. It has been a struggle to adjust to having 3 kids. I have heard people say that if you can have 2, adding a 3rd isn't that big of a deal. I think they lied. ;) It could be the fact that I am homeschooling Kaylee for the first "official" year, and taking care of a newborn. The demands of homeschooling, child rearing, housekeeping and being a wife keep me busy pretty much all day. I'm still learning to be content, and not complain about my "job". I sometimes miss having "me" time, doing the things that I want to do. Truly, I'm selfish. God is doing a great deal of work on me in this area. I've left Josiah only 3 times, for a very short amount of time. I've worried the whole time being away because I fear he will need me, and I wont be there. I am working hard on getting everything started for Christmas. I plan on making some gifts, so I'll have to be diligent with my time in order to get anything done. I've already started buying some presents, so hopefully December wont be so hard. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I spend most days going and going and going, then when I finally sit down and rest, I realize it is too late to call anyone and I've missed yet another day. I am going to make a great effort to change this...even if I have to write myself a note.
Kaylee is doing awesome in school. We've had problems, and spent the first several weeks fighting over it nearly every single day. It was difficult, but I think we're both adjusting. This past week she did good every day except one, and that was more of my fault because we missed nap time. She is reading very well, and learning to be more independent in her work. Today she helped me cook dinner. We had steak fingers, and she was responsible for breading them. She was a pro!!
Brian is a typical 2 yr old boy. I can't believe he will be 3 soon! He says most words with a d, even if they don't start with a d. For example, he says dumbo instead of gumbo, dood instead of food, dum instead of gum, dork instead of fork. It is really cute. His favorite food is mexinan dood. ;) He can throw some crazy fits, but he is such a sweetheart to me. I think he may have found his future wife. One of my best friends little girl, Selah, has stolen his heart. ;) Anytime she is around he gets all excited, and gives her tons of hugs and kisses, and follows her around trying to get her attention. He talks about her when she isn't around. The other day in the bathtub he told me that he loves her kisses. Yes, I think it is love. ;)
Okay, back to laundry I go. I'll try to update before my kids are grown. =)

I had every intention of sending out birth announcements. But it was at the bottom of my extra long to do list, and didn't seem to make the cut. My sweet friend Mindy took some pictures of our little family, and I will share them on another blog post. But for now, here is announcing Josiah Allen Carney. He was born August 8, 2011 at 9:31 am. He weighed 7 lbs, 5 oz.

This is reality

Today Josiah is 2 weeks old! =)  Today Kaylee started first grade. Today Brian went back to work. Today has been...stressful!!
This isn't going to be a post completely full of complaining...but it may seem like it. ;) My morning was so bad that I came home and had to sit down and smile because I know that THIS is reality. Believe it or not, God has a purpose in my bad morning, and I made it out alive. =)
So first things first, I'm up every 2-3 hours feeding a newborn. Last night was a good night, and I got to sleep for 2 1/2 hours twice! Everybody was awake by 7 am, which worked out because I had to take Josiah to the doctor. Or so I thought. We get up and eat, and I get everyone ready with about 30 minutes to spare, so we started on school. I left the house thinking "Oh yeah, I got this, it isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be". Then we got to the Dr office and after signing in I realize that my appointment isn't this Monday, but NEXT Monday! Great, I've made a trip across town for nothing. It is NOT easy loading and unloading 3 kids, especially when one of them is a newborn. I didn't want to waste the trip, so I decided to go ahead and do Josiah's pku at the next plaza over. So we get all the paperwork done for that and I'm waiting to be called back when Kaylee starts pushing on her brother and fighting over the toy tables in the waiting area. Sometimes I wonder if she didn't successfully make it out of the terrible twos. ;) So she is in time out beside me and I hear Josiah make a poopy diaper. I thought, "No big deal, I'll just change him when they call me back". They called me back a few minutes later, and as I was taking him out of the car seat I realize that the poop is running down his leg, and is now all over my shirt!! I go to grab the wipes out of the diaper bag only to realize that someone had taken them out. So poop is everywhere and I have no wipes. I wrap a burp cloth around him so she can go ahead and stick his heel so I can get him cleaned up. I tell Kaylee and Bubba to sit down in the chair so they aren't in the way, and of course that means push each other and fight like crazy. It took forever for her to finish the pku (or so it seemed, probably because I was stressed). I wet some paper towels, and strip him down and clean him up. I asked Kaylee to hand me the bags for dirty diapers and somehow when she was putting it back it opened and the roll of bags went across the floor, so I had to roll it back up to put it back in the bag. Meanwhile, the lady is standing outside the room waiting to call the next person. I get everything cleaned up and ready to go and head to the car. Kaylee helped me by buckling Bubba up, but she accidentally pulled the seat belt too far and it locked. As I'm driving off Bubba starts freaking out about it. I told him that I wasn't going to pull over, so he would just have to wait a few minutes until we were home. Josiah decided he was hungry, so he screamed most of the car ride home too. As I'm driving home feeling like my head is going to explode with 2 screaming kids in the back, I stop and realize, THIS is real life. These moments matter. Having multiple kids is not always easy, and it is not always pretty. Somehow, you survive though, and ultimately enjoy it. So we get home and I go to take Josiah out of the car seat only to realize that he had pooped all in his car seat too! So I had to change him and clean him up again, pretreat all of the clothes that had poop on it, change my own clothes and clean up, and start back school with Kaylee. Then, Bubba pooped in his underwear. He wasn't feeling well yesterday, and had a bit of diarrhea, so today it wasn't a lot better. I think I've reached my max on cleaning up poop today. But, we got almost through all of Kaylee's work for today. She enjoyed it, and I did too! Lord willing, tomorrow will be less stressful. If not, I know Gods grace is sufficient, and He will get me through. When we attended the homeschooling conference last month we listened to a speaker named Todd Wilson. One thing he pointed out was that Jesus said in Matthew 11:30 "My yoke is easy, and my burden is light". We need not stress out or think things are impossible. That has really stuck with me. This morning may have been rough, but I'm thankful still.

On to happier news, I'll update on Josiah. We took him on Friday the 12th to the doctor and he weighed 7 lbs 10 oz. He had gained 10 oz since we left the hospital on Tuesday evening, which is a good thing. He had a little bit of jaundice, but she said as long as he was feeding and pooping well, it didn't need to be treated. He has been doing great! The first few nights he slept 4-5 hours at a time. That quickly wore off and he has been waking me up every 2 hours pretty consistently. After feeding and changing him, that only leaves about an hour and a half before he is awake again. Somehow I still have energy to get through the day...that is obviously a God thing! He doesn't cry as soon as he is hungry, he will root around for awhile, whimper a bit, and give you plenty of warning before he lets out a full on cry. He is already a Momma's boy. He almost never poops in a wet diaper. He waits until we change it and poops almost immediately after we get a clean one on. He sleeps through the chaos and noise of our house, I guess he is used to it now. ;) He is a sweet, sweet baby and I am so very thankful for him!

C-section or Natural?

A few people have asked me which I would prefer, a c-section or natural birth. Of course, I would prefer natural birth. Don't get me wrong, it has it's own pain to recover from, but I would still take a natural delivery over a c-section any day. With my first c-section, I was in a great deal of pain afterward and took a good 6 weeks to recover. I was so drugged up when Kaylee was born that I can hardly recall seeing her for the first time. I don't even think I was awake in our first "family photo". They whisked her away and 4 hours later I could see her again. I wanted to nurse her but I couldn't even move because of the pain. Recovery was slow and awful.
With my second c-section, which was a planned c-section, I had virtually no pain afterward. In fact, I came home from the hospital on a Saturday and did a load of laundry. I remember being disappointed that Brian wouldn't let me go to church that Sunday. The birth, however, was probably one of the scariest times of my life. The spinal didn't take, and I could feel the doctor start cutting me open. I hadn't found out the sex of the baby before hand because I wanted to have some sort of special moment during his birth. Little did I know they would have to put me to sleep, and again, I would be the last to see my baby, and the last to know the sex. I had to view pictures of him before I ever met him because, again, they took him for 4 hours before I could even see him. I was pretty much heart broken.
This time I was the first hold my baby. I was the first one to feed him. Brian and I got to spend  precious moments with our baby before the nurses took him away and cleaned him up, and even before family came in. The experience was indescribable. I am in pure awe of God's handiwork. While I'm holding my baby I think about how he, just a little over a week ago, was curled up inside of my tiny abdomen. How God has designed a woman's body to carry a child, and then give birth, it is a beautiful experience. Only a Perfect, Holy God could create something so beautiful.
I am thankful for all of my babies, and their births. I am thankful for my c-sections because they have made me appreciate the beauty of natural birth that much more. I am thankful for doctors and technology that when things go wrong, they no longer have to choose the mother or child's life, but through a c-section can most times save both. But I'm thankful as well for the beauty of giving birth without a scalpel. Given the opportunity, I'd gladly choose a natural birth any day.

This is the story of the birth of my son, sparing some of the details that you just don't need to know. ;) Be warned, however, that it IS a birth story, so proceed with caution.

I've had 2 c-sections with my other children. One in 2006, and one in 2008. My first c-section was the result of a doctor who was impatient to allow my body to do what it was designed to do. I've felt for 5 years now that his practices were wrong, and had I labored naturally, I would have progressed just fine. However, as part of inducing me, he immediately broke my water, putting us all on a time limit to give birth. My second c-section was scheduled because my due date had arrived, and baby was transverse and not dropping.
This time around I really wanted to try a vbac again. It isn't common that one would be able to do this, so I was pretty excited to find a doctor who would be willing to allow me to try. He told me that my bone structure was too small, and he didn't think I would go into labor, nor would I progress. But, if I did go into labor, we could try. I spent the last month of my pregnancy doing nearly everything I could to help this baby come out. I had started to dialate a tiny bit at around 37 weeks, and had braxton hicks like crazy on a daily basis. As I went for my last couple of check ups, I became increasingly frustrated that NOTHING had changed. I had a c-section scheduled for August 9th at 7:30 am if I didn't go into labor by then. I even tried to get him to strip my membranes, but I wasn't progressed enough. I left the doctors office on Friday thinking I'd never get to experience natural labor. Although I was sad, I had accepted it, and decided to enjoy my last few days of pregnancy without trying to make him come out. Another c-section was my fate, and I had accepted it. We had a busy weekend, and I did nothing extra that I had been doing. No extra walking, no natural herbs, no disgusting tea. ;) Sunday night we went to bed around 10. I woke up at midnight thinking I had just peed on myself a little. It wasn't a lot, so I thought the baby just kicked my bladder or something. I went potty and felt another little gush...but still didn't know what to think. I waited awhile to make sure I had an empty bladder, and returned to bed. As soon as I got to the bed, another little gush. I woke Brian up and told him I thought my water was breaking. I got up and put on a pad, and figured I'd go back to sleep until I started having contractions. Of course, as soon as we laid back down, they started. I thought, "Maybe I should time these" so I got my pen and paper. Of course, I remembered a few things I needed to pack up before we left for the hospital, so I got sidetracked on timing contractions and started rounding up last minute things. Then, I thought, "Maybe I need to go in now, since my water broke. Maybe I should call the hospital and see what they say". So I did, and they told me to come in. I'm in shock as I realize that I am going to have a baby, one way or another. We round everything up, call my Mom, and drop the kids off at her house. We arrive at the hospital and walk up to the main entrance, only to realize that they lock the doors after hours and we would now need to walk through the emergency room. When we got in there, they insisted on putting me in a wheelchair to get to labor and delivery. I wasn't contracting much at all, so I tried to avoid it, but the lady said she didn't want the baby "sliding out" as I walked. So I get in and the nurse in triage says "I'm going to check and see if your water did actually break. Do you think maybe you just peed on yourself?" I informed her that there was absolutely no doubt it was my water breaking because I was soaked. She went to check me and quickly realized that my water indeed did break. She asked if I was having a repeat c-section and I told her no, we were trying vbac. She asked who my doctor was and when I told her, she was shocked. She said he almost never does vbacs. When she found out that I had 2 previous c-sections, she was even more shocked. She said no doctor around her would even attempt that. I knew my rights, I knew the risks, and my doctor had already agreed, so I was going for a vbac. She was very supportive and helpful, even though my doctor wasn't very happy with me. She checked me and I was only dialated at 1. She wanted to give me a fighting chance at vbac, so she stretched my cervix to 2 and 1/2, bringing on the contractions strong and hard. That was pretty painful. They said they wanted me to get an epidural since the risk of uterine rupture was higher, so that they would be ready to wheel me into emergency c-section if need be. I am SO thankful for that, because the contractions were killer. I got the epidural around 5 am, and was dialated 3 1/2 then. I was worried that the epidural would stall my labor, and ruin my chance for a vbac, but I knew that it was a life threatening situation if my uterus ruptured, and it was best to be prepared for emergency c-section. The doctor came in at 7, clearly agitated, thinking I hadn't progressed any. He checked me and I was between 5 and 6. My daytime nurse came in and introduced herself and asked if she could pray with me. That was so special to me, more than words could express. God's hands were obviously all over this process, and this woman was just another reassurance of that. She got her prayer partner, who would end up being my nurse for the majority of my stay, and they prayed for me. I was quite humbled by that. She turned me on my side, set pillows up between my legs and behind my back, and left. 30 minutes later she came back and checked me and I was at 9 1/2. I have probably never been more excited in my whole life. Finally, this thing looked possible!! I might ACTUALLY get to have a vaginal delivery like I had been wanting for 5 years! She told me that she didn't want me pushing much, so we were going to let the contractions push the baby down until she could see hair. I was nervous, Brian was petrified, but we were both so excited. I labored for another hour and a half. It wasn't too bad because I had an epidural, but the contractions started getting worse and worse as he was moving down. Dr came in and checked me at 9, not thinking I was progressed very far, only to realize the head was visible! The nurse said she wanted me to wait about 15 more minutes before I started pushing. She had me do a few practice pushes, and said I was ready. So at 9:15 she did a few pushes with me, trying to stretch me to avoid an episiotomy. I felt like my eyeballs were going to pop out I was pushing so hard. She told me to stop pushing till the Dr came in, and a few minutes later we started again. I pushed a few more times, Dr had to cut me, and Josiah was here!! I can't describe the feeling I felt when they put him on my chest, but I don't think I could have possibly smiled any bigger. The doctor stitched me up, and we were left to spend time with our little man. I left a few things out, and don't want to go back and edit, so I'm just going to add them here.
While putting in the iv, the nurse messed up on the first one. She didn't want it to blow out, so she was holding that one while trying to insert another one. I had a contraction as she was trying to tape the new one, and it apparently caused the first iv to blow out and squirt blood everywhere. Brian was not happy with that, he was annoyed that they didn't do it right, and the sight of the blood made him have to go sit down.
I got to feel Josiah's head as it was coming out. Brian thought this was totally gross, but I thought it was pretty amazing.
The nurse told me signs of uterine rupture to watch out for, mainly unexplained pain and bleeding. As Brian would help me flip over, he noticed a little blood on the towel. I couldn't see it to know if it was normal, so he called the nurse. She said it was normal. About 30 minutes later when I flipped again, he got all worried again, but decided not to call the nurse this time. He was SO concerned the whole time, it was very sweet to watch.
As I was pushing, I remember looking at Brian and thinking "Could you please not look so disgusted as I'm giving birth to our child!" lol! I'm not sure if I said it out loud or not, but I definitely thought it.

It was an amazing experience! I may update with more details as I remember, but that is all for now.

Just got the news that he will soon arrive!

I was beyond happy to see him!

Daddy holding him for the first time

So in love!

Making life easier

I almost never blog anymore. I never feel like I have time, and when I do have time, I don't want to. Of course, that will only get worse considering I'll have a newborn in 10 days. Anyways, lately I've been very thankful for a few household "tools" that seem to make my life much easier. These won't be listed in order of favorites, because I'm not sure I could pick a favorite. So here goes:

This is a laundry sorter with a hanging rack that I got for my birthday from my Mom. I don't like to put all of my clothes in the dryer, I like to air dry most of them. This is perfect for that. I can get up and start a load of laundry, put them on the hangers wet, then come back later after they dry and take them to the appropriate closet. Meanwhile, I can separate the remaining laundry in the bottom bags (which are very spacious) and pretty much keep up with laundry. This works much better than my previous way of doing laundry, which was all in one day each week. It also saves money on electricity not using the dryer as often!

This is a bissell steam and sweep mop. I got this for Christmas from my wonderful husband. Yes, I realize this is an odd gift, but it is seriously one of my favorites! I used to spend so much time sweeping and mopping, and even having to get on my hands and knees to scrub up some foreign substance that one of my children left behind to dry and stick to the floor. I have a bad back, and I am pregnant, so mopping was becoming a dreaded chore. This is lightweight, and with the push of a button, cleans EVERYTHING! No more scrubbing...ever! I usually sweep before hand, because I have a messy family, but I don't have to do it too carefully because the mop also vacuums up the extra dirt as you go. Best part of all is that is sanitizes the floors, so I feel like my house is a tad bit cleaner.

My next favorite "tool" is kind of a new one for me. My good friend Vivian gave me some microfiber towels awhile back. At first, I'll admit, I had no idea what I would really use them for, I had never used microfiber towels before. I can be a bit compulsive when it comes to cleaning, and I tend to make everything harder than it has to be. Dusting is one of those chores I "over-do". I have a LOT of woodwork around my house, including built in bookshelves that I would always take every frame off of, spray down with furniture polish, then dust each frame and put it back. I would do this once a week, and it always takes forever and gives me a huge headache. I decided to dust with these one day, and I was AMAZED! They collect the dust without me needing furniture polish, and I finish in less than half the time. I still take everything down and polish it about once a month, but it isn't necessary to do as often as I had been.

This, I believe, is a must have if you've got small, messy children and/or wood floors. This is a swiffer sweeper vac. It is rechargeable, I just plug it in after each use, so it is always ready to go. It is great at sucking up crumbs leftover under the table from mealtimes, and collecting dust that accumulates under furniture when you have wood floors. It doesn't cost too much, and it makes clean up so much easier. Also, my 5 year old LOVES to use it. She asks me all the time if she can sweep the floor with it. Added bonus? I think so. ;)

This is also a new favorite for me, introduced by Vivian. I've been making my own laundry soap for awhile (read about it here.) and it has been working so well! I love the detergent, but the only thing I miss sometimes is the wonderful scent you get from the laundry soap you buy at the store. Well, problem solved! Just add a small amount of these little beads to the wash, and everything smells so good! I've used it on several loads of clothes now, and haven't found any problems with it. It says it is safe for all fabrics. I washed my daughters bedding last night and was pleasantly surprised to see that it had freshened her entire room!

So there ya go, just a few things that seem to make my life as a busy, homeschooling mom with too much to do and not enough time to do it just a little bit easier. I'm always looking for more efficient ways to do things and make things a little easier and less stressful, so if you'd like to share your tips and tools, they would be greatly appreciated!

My girl is 5!

A few weekends ago we celebrated Kaylee's 5th birthday. It is so hard to believe how fast she is growing up. We share a birthday, so on our actual birthday we celebrated by going to dinner at whatever restaurant Kaylee chose. She chose Carino's because she LOVES fettucine alfredo. The following weekend we had a party for her at our church, and borrowed a water slide (Thanks Chrissy!!) and had a slip-n-slide. The kids seemed to really enjoy themselves. She got a lot of really neat presents, including a few crafts she has been enjoying. She also has officially finished kindergarten! She is such a sweet and sassy girl, and watching her grow has been so wonderful. Here are some pictures from her birthday party.





We surprised her with a new bed for her birthday!





Silly Boy

Sack Races



Sweet Kaylee and Mia



Update

Wow, I haven't blogged in a REALLY long time!! Real life is getting in the way of my blogging I suppose. I just wanted to write a little update, and I'm hoping to update more often soon!
I am now 32 weeks pregnant. I went to the doctor last week and I had lost 2 lbs. Josiah's heartbeat was 144 bpm, and he is head down. I'm really hoping that he will decide to come on his own, and that I can deliver naturally. I called multiple midwives in hopes of using one to up my chances of a vbac, but they seemed to fall through each time. Brian was also uncomfortable with the idea of a birth that wasn't in a hospital because of my previous complications. He is very supportive of whatever I decide to do, but I figured that being this far along and changing doctors may be stressful, and he is uncomfortable with it, and the fact that it hasn't worked out so far may be a sign that it isn't what is best for us. It makes me really sad to think I may never experience a natural delivery, but I know that a healthy baby is more important, and nothing is beyond God's control. So, that being said, if I don't go into labor by August 7th, I'll have a c-section scheduled for that day.
Onto other news, Kaylee is 5!! I'll update about her birthday soon. She is also going to be finishing her kindergarten curriculum tomorrow, Lord willing. That is one of the main reasons I have been so busy. Cracking down on schoolwork and working on her reading, plus all of the other duties that come along with being a wife and a mom just don't leave much time for blogging.
Yesterday we buried my Uncle, my Dad's youngest brother. He was only 37. It was a very hard funeral for many reasons. There were so many people there! It was amazing to see how many lives he had touched, and how many people loved him. My Mawmaw spoke at the funeral, and I am always amazed at just how beautiful that woman is. Truly beautiful, biblically beautiful. It is so humbling to see a woman of her faith stand up and acknowledge that it isn't her strength at all that keeps her going, but it is Christ's strength. What an amazing testimony. Funerals are hard because they are a reminder of a fate that we all face: death. We will all face death and judgement, the bible tells us this. (Hebrews 9:27) For a Christian, it should point you to Christ. It should remind you that although you have sinned, and deserve punishment, God has so graciously sent you a Savior, Jesus Christ. When you die, you don't have anything to worry about, because you are clothed in Christ' righteousness. This is grieving with hope, knowing that this world and everyone/everything in it is not the end, nor is it the best there is. The best is yet to come. I pray that some of those who aren't Christians that attended the funeral would turn to Christ as well, that hearts would be changed. I pray that God would use this time of mourning to bring people to repentance, and that they would put their faith in the only Son of God, Jesus Christ, who died to be a propitiation for the sins of all who believe. "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21

I know this blog is super long and probably should be about 3 different blog posts, but I just didn't have time for that. Sorry- maybe I'll be more organized and less talkative next time. ;)

27 weeks

I had another check up today, and all went well. I gained 9 lbs from my last visit, which was a bit of a shock to me. I now weigh 127. Josiah had a good growth spurt, and is taking up lots of space in my tummy. His heartbeat was 139. Now I can not only feel him kick, but I can see him as well. Today was also the first day that someone else actually seen him kick, congrats Chrissy for being the first to see it! ;)
Over the weekend I spent a few hours sorting and separating clothes I've saved from Bubba and some my sister gave to me. It was a LOT of work, but I feel so blessed to not have to worry about buying much for this baby. For probably the first time ever, I'm prepared early and have nothing to "get done"...well, except buying a car seat. It is a great feeling.
I've also been struggling to find adequate joy in this pregnancy while remaining sensitive to those around me who are longing for children. I'm not exactly sure how that looks. I've read lots of blogs on it, and try my best, but it is difficult.
Friday I get to meet my brother and his family. Words can't express how excited I am!! I've talked to him a lot over the phone, but finally getting to meet him, my sister in law, and 2 beautiful nieces is SO exciting!
And, I have a 3-d ultrasound scheduled for the 21st of this month. Truthfully, I don't prefer to have one...I'd prefer to wait and see what my little munchkin looks like when he comes out. But, I had told Kaylee she could come to my last ultrasound to find out the sex before I knew they didn't allow children, so I thought this would be a fun way to make up for my mistake. I'm sure I'll post pictures afterward.

Today

Wow! It has been nearly a month since I blogged last! I've been really buckling down on schoolwork with Kaylee so that I can finish the curriculum I have now and improve her reading so that this year we can start first grade. That is very intimidating considering she is only turning 5 in June, but I've been working with her for 2 years now, and looking at the kindergarten curriculum reminds me that those are all skills she has already mastered. Anyhow, not the point of today's post.
Today has been one of those *I just want to curl up in a ball and cry until my kids act better* days. Moms, you know the kind of day I'm talking about. My kids woke up this morning and immediately started fighting. My son spent the first 30 minutes trying to agitate his sister, then we ate breakfast and he threw a huge fit because I cut his bagel up (like he asked me to!), I had to make him leave the table twice, and finally breakfast was over and it was time to start schoolwork. Usually doing schoolwork with Kaylee is an enjoyable time for me. I absolutely love watching her learn, and she is so easy to teach! She rarely gives me any trouble, and when she does, it is usually just whining about having to do things "like the grown ups do it". Today was new territory though. Today she had to step completely out of her comfort zone, and it was NOT fun for either of us. She had to cut out pictures of 6 different fruit/vegetables. There were 4 baskets with stories on one side and 4 empty baskets next to them, and they wanted you to read the story and guess which fruit/vegetable went with each story, then paste it in that basket. She did great with this part. There was a banana and a carrot left over, and they wanted her to make up her own little story to tell about each of them. I read her the directions first, and she said she didn't want to do it. I told her it wasn't optional, and that I would help her. I told her to  be thinking of a story as I was reading the different stories out loud. When it came time to tell her story, she pitched the biggest 2 year old fit I've seen from her in awhile. My child has a very vivid imagination. She walks around all day making up songs, telling stories, playing with her babies. She even had imaginary friends! Clearly she doesn't lack the skill to do this kind of work. She was terrified though. I immediately saw myself in her, and understood how she felt because I often feel the same fear when I'm forced outside my comfort zone.  We talked about it for awhile, I read some verses to her from the bible, and we prayed about it. I helped her with the first one, and told her we would go to lunch and then come back and she could do the second one, so she should be thinking while we are gone. I was really ready to sit down and cry at that point. It had already been a stressful day, but having my child flat out refuse to do her work was over the top for me. It made me feel for teachers who have that problem in a room full of children, not just one. It is a learning process for the both of us, but I had to explain to her that "I'm not doing it" just wasn't an option. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect her to try.
So, with all that said, I was pleasantly surprised when we came home and I told her to go sit at the table and think about her story while I put Bubba to bed, and she DID IT! She was very excited to tell me the story she had thought of all on her own. It was very short, and wasn't quite descriptive enough, but I was proud that she had tried. I asked her what helped her through this so that I'll know how to help her when we have this problem again, and she said that praying helped her to feel better. She doesn't know it, but that little girl teaches me so much everyday. As I try to train her in the fear and admonition of the Lord, I'm so often reminded of how I fail, and how God, as a loving Father, disciplines me. She has reminded me of my need to be courageous, not fearing man but fearing God. I am totally dependent upon Him and I need to go to him in prayer, His grace is sufficient.