I had another check up today, and all went well. I gained 9 lbs from my last visit, which was a bit of a shock to me. I now weigh 127. Josiah had a good growth spurt, and is taking up lots of space in my tummy. His heartbeat was 139. Now I can not only feel him kick, but I can see him as well. Today was also the first day that someone else actually seen him kick, congrats Chrissy for being the first to see it! ;)
Over the weekend I spent a few hours sorting and separating clothes I've saved from Bubba and some my sister gave to me. It was a LOT of work, but I feel so blessed to not have to worry about buying much for this baby. For probably the first time ever, I'm prepared early and have nothing to "get done"...well, except buying a car seat. It is a great feeling.
I've also been struggling to find adequate joy in this pregnancy while remaining sensitive to those around me who are longing for children. I'm not exactly sure how that looks. I've read lots of blogs on it, and try my best, but it is difficult.
Friday I get to meet my brother and his family. Words can't express how excited I am!! I've talked to him a lot over the phone, but finally getting to meet him, my sister in law, and 2 beautiful nieces is SO exciting!
And, I have a 3-d ultrasound scheduled for the 21st of this month. Truthfully, I don't prefer to have one...I'd prefer to wait and see what my little munchkin looks like when he comes out. But, I had told Kaylee she could come to my last ultrasound to find out the sex before I knew they didn't allow children, so I thought this would be a fun way to make up for my mistake. I'm sure I'll post pictures afterward.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Today
Wow! It has been nearly a month since I blogged last! I've been really buckling down on schoolwork with Kaylee so that I can finish the curriculum I have now and improve her reading so that this year we can start first grade. That is very intimidating considering she is only turning 5 in June, but I've been working with her for 2 years now, and looking at the kindergarten curriculum reminds me that those are all skills she has already mastered. Anyhow, not the point of today's post.
Today has been one of those *I just want to curl up in a ball and cry until my kids act better* days. Moms, you know the kind of day I'm talking about. My kids woke up this morning and immediately started fighting. My son spent the first 30 minutes trying to agitate his sister, then we ate breakfast and he threw a huge fit because I cut his bagel up (like he asked me to!), I had to make him leave the table twice, and finally breakfast was over and it was time to start schoolwork. Usually doing schoolwork with Kaylee is an enjoyable time for me. I absolutely love watching her learn, and she is so easy to teach! She rarely gives me any trouble, and when she does, it is usually just whining about having to do things "like the grown ups do it". Today was new territory though. Today she had to step completely out of her comfort zone, and it was NOT fun for either of us. She had to cut out pictures of 6 different fruit/vegetables. There were 4 baskets with stories on one side and 4 empty baskets next to them, and they wanted you to read the story and guess which fruit/vegetable went with each story, then paste it in that basket. She did great with this part. There was a banana and a carrot left over, and they wanted her to make up her own little story to tell about each of them. I read her the directions first, and she said she didn't want to do it. I told her it wasn't optional, and that I would help her. I told her to be thinking of a story as I was reading the different stories out loud. When it came time to tell her story, she pitched the biggest 2 year old fit I've seen from her in awhile. My child has a very vivid imagination. She walks around all day making up songs, telling stories, playing with her babies. She even had imaginary friends! Clearly she doesn't lack the skill to do this kind of work. She was terrified though. I immediately saw myself in her, and understood how she felt because I often feel the same fear when I'm forced outside my comfort zone. We talked about it for awhile, I read some verses to her from the bible, and we prayed about it. I helped her with the first one, and told her we would go to lunch and then come back and she could do the second one, so she should be thinking while we are gone. I was really ready to sit down and cry at that point. It had already been a stressful day, but having my child flat out refuse to do her work was over the top for me. It made me feel for teachers who have that problem in a room full of children, not just one. It is a learning process for the both of us, but I had to explain to her that "I'm not doing it" just wasn't an option. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect her to try.
So, with all that said, I was pleasantly surprised when we came home and I told her to go sit at the table and think about her story while I put Bubba to bed, and she DID IT! She was very excited to tell me the story she had thought of all on her own. It was very short, and wasn't quite descriptive enough, but I was proud that she had tried. I asked her what helped her through this so that I'll know how to help her when we have this problem again, and she said that praying helped her to feel better. She doesn't know it, but that little girl teaches me so much everyday. As I try to train her in the fear and admonition of the Lord, I'm so often reminded of how I fail, and how God, as a loving Father, disciplines me. She has reminded me of my need to be courageous, not fearing man but fearing God. I am totally dependent upon Him and I need to go to him in prayer, His grace is sufficient.
Today has been one of those *I just want to curl up in a ball and cry until my kids act better* days. Moms, you know the kind of day I'm talking about. My kids woke up this morning and immediately started fighting. My son spent the first 30 minutes trying to agitate his sister, then we ate breakfast and he threw a huge fit because I cut his bagel up (like he asked me to!), I had to make him leave the table twice, and finally breakfast was over and it was time to start schoolwork. Usually doing schoolwork with Kaylee is an enjoyable time for me. I absolutely love watching her learn, and she is so easy to teach! She rarely gives me any trouble, and when she does, it is usually just whining about having to do things "like the grown ups do it". Today was new territory though. Today she had to step completely out of her comfort zone, and it was NOT fun for either of us. She had to cut out pictures of 6 different fruit/vegetables. There were 4 baskets with stories on one side and 4 empty baskets next to them, and they wanted you to read the story and guess which fruit/vegetable went with each story, then paste it in that basket. She did great with this part. There was a banana and a carrot left over, and they wanted her to make up her own little story to tell about each of them. I read her the directions first, and she said she didn't want to do it. I told her it wasn't optional, and that I would help her. I told her to be thinking of a story as I was reading the different stories out loud. When it came time to tell her story, she pitched the biggest 2 year old fit I've seen from her in awhile. My child has a very vivid imagination. She walks around all day making up songs, telling stories, playing with her babies. She even had imaginary friends! Clearly she doesn't lack the skill to do this kind of work. She was terrified though. I immediately saw myself in her, and understood how she felt because I often feel the same fear when I'm forced outside my comfort zone. We talked about it for awhile, I read some verses to her from the bible, and we prayed about it. I helped her with the first one, and told her we would go to lunch and then come back and she could do the second one, so she should be thinking while we are gone. I was really ready to sit down and cry at that point. It had already been a stressful day, but having my child flat out refuse to do her work was over the top for me. It made me feel for teachers who have that problem in a room full of children, not just one. It is a learning process for the both of us, but I had to explain to her that "I'm not doing it" just wasn't an option. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect her to try.
So, with all that said, I was pleasantly surprised when we came home and I told her to go sit at the table and think about her story while I put Bubba to bed, and she DID IT! She was very excited to tell me the story she had thought of all on her own. It was very short, and wasn't quite descriptive enough, but I was proud that she had tried. I asked her what helped her through this so that I'll know how to help her when we have this problem again, and she said that praying helped her to feel better. She doesn't know it, but that little girl teaches me so much everyday. As I try to train her in the fear and admonition of the Lord, I'm so often reminded of how I fail, and how God, as a loving Father, disciplines me. She has reminded me of my need to be courageous, not fearing man but fearing God. I am totally dependent upon Him and I need to go to him in prayer, His grace is sufficient.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
22 weeks
Well, it appears the 30 day challenge wagon has loaded up and left town. Maybe it will come back and visit when life settles down. ;)
The past week has been crazy hectic, but I'll update on all that later. For now I just wanted to journal about my dr appt this morning. I had my 3 hour glucose test done, and an ultrasound 2 weeks ago. Both came back normal. They changed the due date to August 7th. I gained a whole 2 lbs, bringing me to 118. Baby's heartbeat was 135, and he apparently REALLY likes my bladder. Or hates it. There was traces of blood in my urine that the dr said is caused by the baby putting too much pressure on my bladder and irritating it. He doesn't always sit that low (Sometimes he is in my right ribcage) but this morning he was especially low and hurting me. All in all, as long as he is happy and healthy, I'm happy to endure pain. I've been really thinking lately about what it is going to be like having another little baby around. I love babies, a LOT. The newborn stage is probably my favorite stage of their lives, because it seems to pass so quickly. I know, it all passes at the same rate, but parents will understand my logic. ;) I'm so excited to meet Josiah, and watch our little family grow. =)
The past week has been crazy hectic, but I'll update on all that later. For now I just wanted to journal about my dr appt this morning. I had my 3 hour glucose test done, and an ultrasound 2 weeks ago. Both came back normal. They changed the due date to August 7th. I gained a whole 2 lbs, bringing me to 118. Baby's heartbeat was 135, and he apparently REALLY likes my bladder. Or hates it. There was traces of blood in my urine that the dr said is caused by the baby putting too much pressure on my bladder and irritating it. He doesn't always sit that low (Sometimes he is in my right ribcage) but this morning he was especially low and hurting me. All in all, as long as he is happy and healthy, I'm happy to endure pain. I've been really thinking lately about what it is going to be like having another little baby around. I love babies, a LOT. The newborn stage is probably my favorite stage of their lives, because it seems to pass so quickly. I know, it all passes at the same rate, but parents will understand my logic. ;) I'm so excited to meet Josiah, and watch our little family grow. =)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
My biggest insecurity
Today I'm supposed to post a picture of my biggest insecurity. Really? I'm not sure how I would go about posting a picture of that. I'm not 100% sure I really want to even answer this question at all. ;)
In my close relationships, or I guess any relationship for that matter, I am very insecure about confrontation. For as long as I can remember, my family's way of dealing with problems was to not deal with them at all. You either act as though nothing ever happened, or you stop speaking. In fact, Brian is probably the only person I have ever felt comfortable voicing my feelings and concerns to. This, obviously, is not good. Problems WILL arise in relationships, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life pretending that I'm not hurt by things that should hurt me. I also don't want to spend the rest of my life cutting ties with people that have hurt my feelings. It has taken a lot of work, and is still a work in progress, but with help I now have the tools I need to be confident in confronting problems as an adult.
In my close relationships, or I guess any relationship for that matter, I am very insecure about confrontation. For as long as I can remember, my family's way of dealing with problems was to not deal with them at all. You either act as though nothing ever happened, or you stop speaking. In fact, Brian is probably the only person I have ever felt comfortable voicing my feelings and concerns to. This, obviously, is not good. Problems WILL arise in relationships, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life pretending that I'm not hurt by things that should hurt me. I also don't want to spend the rest of my life cutting ties with people that have hurt my feelings. It has taken a lot of work, and is still a work in progress, but with help I now have the tools I need to be confident in confronting problems as an adult.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Something that has made a huge impact
I'm thinking that this 30 day challenge will have to be a Monday-Saturday thing, because Sundays are just too busy for me to be able to blog. Today I'm supposed to post a picture of something that has made a huge impact on my life recently. I'll update it and add a picture later. The thing that has made a huge impact on my life is my 4th pregnancy. My last pregnancy ended at 15 weeks in miscarriage, so this pregnancy has been completely different than my others. I am now more aware of the chances of miscarriage. To be honest, I had never really been concerned about my other pregnancies. I just took for granted that because I was pregnant, I would have a happy healthy baby. Now, I count every single day with this baby growing inside of me a huge, undeserved blessing. It is scary to think that at any moment, I could no longer be pregnant. This can cause me to react one of two ways: Either I will live in a constant fear of the unknown, or I will trust that God has complete control of life and death, and nothing will happen apart from His perfect will. Sometimes, I teeter-totter between the two. I try not to live in fear, but alas, I'm still fighting my flesh. A few nights ago I was going through my emails and came across one a dear friend sent to me right after the miscarriage. It was so sweet, and encouraging. I was very blessed to have had so many strong Christians around me to build me up and keep me focused. Still, the sad feeling loomed over me for the next couple of days. Then, yesterday at church, our preacher talked about Christians suffering using Hebrews 12:3-17. You can listen to it here. I really enjoyed the sermon, and felt conviction and joy both at the same time. I needed that. I was reminded all over again that God knows my every need, and he provides everything I need at the perfect time, according to His will. This pregnancy is going well. I've seen the baby, heard the baby, and felt the baby. I pray that in about 4 more months, I'll get to hold this sweet little boy in my arms. Most of all, I pray that God's will be done, and that I would praise him through it all.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Who inspires me
The person who most inspires me is my Mawmaw. She is a wonderful, godly woman who has taught me more in her actions and lifestyle than probably any other person. She is a Mom to 8 children, and numerous grandchildren and great grandchildren. She has always made holidays so special, and I'm pretty sure she is responsible for teaching me the true meaning of Christmas. Not that our parents celebrated anything other than Christ on Christmas, but I really learned from her. I remember we would sit down and she would tell us the story of Jesus birth, and we would each have to pick out a bible verse that we liked, and go around the room and read it and say why we liked it. Then she would give out presents. Now, I know how tight money can be, and can only imagine how tight it is with such a large family, but her gifts always meant the most to me. She would make us gives like bunny rabbits, and one year he made us pillows that had a bible verse on it. I still have those things. =) Now she gives us each $2 dollar bills and writes on them. She has endured much hardship, with more grace and dignity than I have ever seen. She is forgiving, loving, and kind-always. Now, I'm sure she fails, and has no problem letting you know her shortcomings. But, at the heart of it, she loves Jesus and desires to serve him and bring glory to his name. There is nothing more beautiful than that in a woman. It wasn't until I was saved that I truly realized that the things she does, the way she acts, the grace she shows is not from herself or for herself, it is a gift of God used to glorify God. I pray that I'm half the woman she is one day.
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
Friday, March 25, 2011
Something I'd like to do before I die...
I'd like to fly on a commercial airplane to some beautiful place I've never been! I've never been on a commercial airplane, only on a little plane at a flight school. That was really a neat experience, but only a glimpse into what it is like on a large plane. As much as it terrifies me, I'd love to fly somewhere someday!
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