Today

Wow! It has been nearly a month since I blogged last! I've been really buckling down on schoolwork with Kaylee so that I can finish the curriculum I have now and improve her reading so that this year we can start first grade. That is very intimidating considering she is only turning 5 in June, but I've been working with her for 2 years now, and looking at the kindergarten curriculum reminds me that those are all skills she has already mastered. Anyhow, not the point of today's post.
Today has been one of those *I just want to curl up in a ball and cry until my kids act better* days. Moms, you know the kind of day I'm talking about. My kids woke up this morning and immediately started fighting. My son spent the first 30 minutes trying to agitate his sister, then we ate breakfast and he threw a huge fit because I cut his bagel up (like he asked me to!), I had to make him leave the table twice, and finally breakfast was over and it was time to start schoolwork. Usually doing schoolwork with Kaylee is an enjoyable time for me. I absolutely love watching her learn, and she is so easy to teach! She rarely gives me any trouble, and when she does, it is usually just whining about having to do things "like the grown ups do it". Today was new territory though. Today she had to step completely out of her comfort zone, and it was NOT fun for either of us. She had to cut out pictures of 6 different fruit/vegetables. There were 4 baskets with stories on one side and 4 empty baskets next to them, and they wanted you to read the story and guess which fruit/vegetable went with each story, then paste it in that basket. She did great with this part. There was a banana and a carrot left over, and they wanted her to make up her own little story to tell about each of them. I read her the directions first, and she said she didn't want to do it. I told her it wasn't optional, and that I would help her. I told her to  be thinking of a story as I was reading the different stories out loud. When it came time to tell her story, she pitched the biggest 2 year old fit I've seen from her in awhile. My child has a very vivid imagination. She walks around all day making up songs, telling stories, playing with her babies. She even had imaginary friends! Clearly she doesn't lack the skill to do this kind of work. She was terrified though. I immediately saw myself in her, and understood how she felt because I often feel the same fear when I'm forced outside my comfort zone.  We talked about it for awhile, I read some verses to her from the bible, and we prayed about it. I helped her with the first one, and told her we would go to lunch and then come back and she could do the second one, so she should be thinking while we are gone. I was really ready to sit down and cry at that point. It had already been a stressful day, but having my child flat out refuse to do her work was over the top for me. It made me feel for teachers who have that problem in a room full of children, not just one. It is a learning process for the both of us, but I had to explain to her that "I'm not doing it" just wasn't an option. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect her to try.
So, with all that said, I was pleasantly surprised when we came home and I told her to go sit at the table and think about her story while I put Bubba to bed, and she DID IT! She was very excited to tell me the story she had thought of all on her own. It was very short, and wasn't quite descriptive enough, but I was proud that she had tried. I asked her what helped her through this so that I'll know how to help her when we have this problem again, and she said that praying helped her to feel better. She doesn't know it, but that little girl teaches me so much everyday. As I try to train her in the fear and admonition of the Lord, I'm so often reminded of how I fail, and how God, as a loving Father, disciplines me. She has reminded me of my need to be courageous, not fearing man but fearing God. I am totally dependent upon Him and I need to go to him in prayer, His grace is sufficient.