Parenting

These past few weeks have been tough for me as a Mom. My daughter Kaylee is 4, and seems to be going through some sort of testing phase. At least thats what I hope it is, and I hope it soon passes. She knows the rules, and knows the consequences. She is very intelligent, and knows about discipline. She understands that God tells her to obey her parents, and that God has told us parents to raise our children with discipline and in the fear of the Lord. Everytime that she disobeys me, it is a test of my obedience to God. If there is one thing I know, its that a child will never learn with inconsistent discipline. This makes my job even harder. This means that if I say sit on your bed and don't get up, I have to punish her everytime she gets up. It doesn't matter how high that number goes, I must discipline her. If I dont, I am allowing her to disobey me, and in turn, allowing her to disobey God. I know that the work I am putting in will pay off in the long run, but sometimes it gets hard. A good friend of mine shared a scripture with me last night that reminded me not to grow weary. Maybe it will help you too. It was Galations 6:9, "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." It also helps to have people around who believe in strong, consistent, biblical discipline. I don't want to base my discipline on "because I said so", I want to base my discipline on "because God said so". I pray that God continues to sanctify me and make me a good role model for my children, and that as I teach them the gospel, that God would change their hearts.

Dr appt

Today I met with a new doctor, the doctor that will be delivering my third child. I wanted to stick with the same OB as last time, but he is no longer delivering babies. This doctor was nice, he talked for a long time. I told him that I don't want to have another c-section. I know the risks involved with a vbac, and I know my chances are low, but I refuse to not even try. He said I'm not the greatest candidate because I've had 2 c-sections already that were probably due to my bones being too small, but that we will try. I told him of my experience with Brian, and how the spinal didn't take and I felt them cutting and had to be put to sleep. Just the thought of walking into another operating room like that is terrifying to me, I'm not sure how I will deal with the anxiety. He assured me that he always checks to make sure the spinal takes before he starts cutting, and that he would have a good anesthesiologist on board. He is requesting my medical records to look into who the last one was, and verify that he is no longer there, or will not be my anesthesiologist. He tried to listen for the heartbeat, but couldn't hear it. This concerns me a little, because I was able to hear with my other 2 this early on. I've already had an ultrasound and heard/saw a healthy heartbeat, so that is comforting. He told me that he will try again in 2 weeks, and if he can't hear it he will send me for an ultrasound. He said that my uterus is tipped way far back (I have a problem uterus) and that is most likely why he can't hear it. He gave me some exercises to do from now until my next appt that should help. All in all, his staff seems very friendly, and he seems like a good doctor. I hope that by the next appt I will be able to hear this little ones heart beat, I look forward to that! Now if we could just find a name that we both like, I'd be happy! lol

Cleanin' house!

Today has been a great day! For the first time in at least a month, I not only got relief from morning sickness, but I've got energy!! My housework, as most of you know, has been slacking. Today I have been trying to catch up on the things that need to be done. I've finished the living room and downstairs bathroom completely. Now I've just got to tackle the playroom and kitchen....the biggest chores lol. I have forgotten how nice it is to have a clean house! It is so nice to be able to sit on the couch, smell the clean, and just relax knowing that for now, everything is done. One thing I have really missed is having my friends over. Between not feeling good, and this crazy rash, I've been a bit of a hermit crab. I haven't really invited anyone over because the state of my house is embarrassing. I miss my friends, I miss the time of fellowship, so today I vow to do better! Plus, I'm really excited for my husband to get to come home to a clean house, a home cooked meal, and a loving family! Now...back to work. ;)

My journey with eczema

When I was pregnant with Kaylee, I developed my first round of eczema on my face. It was small, and just really dry. I was able to use Aquaphor, and it cleared up. I didn't have any problems with it again right before I got pregnant with Brian. This time, it was worse. The doctor first thought I had a staph infection and put me on medication for that, but that only made it worse. He sent me to the dermatologist, who said it was eczema. He gave me some cream, and it went away. I cancelled my follow up visit because it was gone. Randomly, it would flare up, and I would apply the cream and it would go away, so I just dealt with it. When I was in the hospital with Brian, it got BAD. Nobody told me, I just thought my face was itching from the pain meds. I looked in the mirror and my face was all broke out. I told the nurse, and she said she thought it was just acne. It was only around my mouth though. It never went away after that. A few months ago, I ran out of the cream for my face, so I went to my regular doctor for a refill. She said that the cream was bad for my face and would thin my skin out. She gave me Elidel, but it burned my face and I didn't use it. She told me that if it didn't clear up I should go see the dermatologist again. We have a $4000 deductible on our insurance, so we would have to pay out of pocket, and it didn't seem like a necessity. So a friend gave me some cream to try that she used on her eczema, and it worked great. I wasn't using it as often, but after about 2-3 days if I didn't use it my face would break out really bad. When the tube was empty, I decided to suck it up and go to the dermatologist. That was yesterday. Apparently what I have is not just eczema, but perioral dermatitis. It is caused from the use of corticosteroids (the eczema medicine). The only way to get rid of it is antibiotics (which aren't suggested for use while pregnant) and stop using the cream. While I'm glad to have figured out the problem, now I have to deal with this painful rash. It could be up to a month.

To make matters worse, it is all around my mouth. I can't use any make up to cover it up, or it will just get worse. I've been dealing with this for a long time now. I don't mean to be vain, but it makes me really self conscious. I know that most people (including my husband) thinks that it is ridiculous, but its the way I feel. This rash is not only painful, but it covers my face with red bumps. I just want to hide in my room until it all goes away, but that wont be possible. I will be missing church tonight, because it hurts to even move my mouth. I thought I would post a picture for those of you who don't understand why a rash on my face would cause me to miss church. Would you want to walk around looking like this?

Contentment

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction." 1 Timothy 6:6-9


I'm content with less. Over my journey of being a Christian, my heart has changed dramatically on this. I no longer desire to buy more things and fill my life with stuff. We have worked hard and paid off almost all of our debt. I am very frugal at the grocery store, and buy most of our clothes from the clearance rack. I enjoy this. I enjoy NOT spending money! But this change of heart has brought me a great source of dissatisfaction. When we bought our home nearly 4 years ago, we were a 2 income family of 3. Now we are a 1 income family of soon to be 5, and we feel the strain. Our mortgage is ridiculous, we could pay rent at 2 apartments for what we pay for our mortgage. For nearly 2 years now, I have wanted to downsize. I have this master plan of how we could sale the house and move to an apt. and save up, then buy land and build in a way that would leave us completely debt free. This has been eating at me for awhile now, I'm tired of having "too much". My husband doesn't think we should sale right now because we still need to do some work to the house, and he doesn't want to be upside down on the mortgage. He is right, and I know that. I trust his opinion. After all, he is the leader of this family, I should trust in his judgement. I've felt that my attitude is okay because I'm not wanting more, I want less! That's okay right? Well it hit me yesterday that my attitude is wrong, and sinful. In reality, I'm not trusting my husband, or God. I think I know best, and I have it all figured out. If everything would just go exactly as I say, then I would be happy. I'm not happy with what I have, I'm not thankful. When it is time for us to move, God will provide a way. I know this. We have never done without, we have never had trouble paying bills, everything has always worked out. Sure, we miss out on some things like eating out with friends, and movie days, things like that. But I'm okay with that, I've got everything I need.
God, please forgive my ungrateful attitude. Help me to trust in you as my provider, and be thankful for everything you have given me. Change my heart to desire the things you want for my life, instead of desiring my own way.

Pregnancy hormones

I am 10 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child, and I think the hormones are worse with this pregnancy than either of my other ones. I have been sick everyday for weeks now, and some days I just feel like sitting down and crying because I can't take it anymore. My house is a disaster, and that stresses me out. My daughter seems to be going through a "testing" phase, which is really wearing on me. But all in all, I wouldn't trade any of it. The sickness will bring a beautiful baby (many months from now), The messy house just means that I've taken the time my body needs to rest (and also serves as a reminder to how loving and patient my husband is with me), and the "testing" phase, well, I'll always have that with one child right? It will, Lord willing, produce a well mannered child who obeys her parents.
On to the hormones. When I was pregnant with Kaylee, I was literally a crazy lady. One minute I would be crying, one minute I would be laughing, one minute I would be yelling, and most of the time I couldn't even explain why. It was a very hard time for Brian and I. We were still newlyweds, and neither of us had experienced anything like this before. He had no patience with me, and I had no control over myself. It was a great learning experience for the both of us.
My second pregnancy, with Brian, I had a picture perfect pregnancy. No sickness, no crazy hormones, no problems.
Now this pregnancy, I think my hormones are in serious overload. I've been miserably sick, tired every minute I'm awake, and just crazy feelings. Brian has been the best husband, so supportive and loving. He has picked up my slack, and hasn't complained one bit about the state of his house. He has been very spoiled over the past couple of years, not having to worry about any of the domestic duties. He does dishes, trash, and yard work. Everything else is always done, including laundry. I'm sure it is quite foreign for him to come home to a house where toys are on every square inch of the floor, dinner is half way being cooked between breaks of sitting down so that I can keep my stomach from trying to jump out of my throat, and laundry that is piled up around my ears! But he has jumped right in, picking up, finishing dinner, helping with laundry. He is truly amazing. While I am so thankful for him, it makes me kind of sad. It makes me sad that I haven't been able to take care of him or our home as I should. It makes me feel like I have failed him as a wife. Why do I feel like this? BECAUSE PREGNANCY HORMONES MAKE YOU CRAZY!! Seriously! I'm glad that this time I am able to recognize what is crazy hormones, and what is real. The other night, I felt "alone" in this pregnancy. That is absolutely the most absurd thing I could ever think! Brian has been the perfect husband, being so supportive of me. I can't believe that a thought like that would ever enter my mind. Of course, I didn't say anything to Brian, because I know I'm just crazy. ;)
I just wanted to put all this out there so maybe, if you are going crazy with hormones like me, you won't feel so alone. Hopefully, you will be able to recognize the rational feelings from the irrational hormonal feelings, like I now can.

The birth of a baby

Two days ago, on July 3rd, at 8:20 am my sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy weighing 7.5 lbs and 19 inches long. In case you have never actually witnessed a birth, it is a beautiful thing. This was not the first birth I've witnessed, but it is the first one of a friend/family member. It was a long labor, but when it came to the pushing, she did wonderfully. Just a few pushes and the baby was out. It is truly a miracle of God how he designed a woman's body to work. To be able to carry a baby for 9 months, then when the time is ready, your body goes through changes just to allow the baby to come into the world, it is amazing. I didn't get to experience birth this way, because I have had 2 c-sections. I've missed out on the birth process, and the first hours of my newborns lives. I'm thankful to have been there with my sister and see what I'm missing out on. I just love newborns. Something about the first few days of bringing a newborn into the world, and seeing all the joy around. Everyone gathering to meet your new little blessing. All the changes your life now goes through, and somehow none of the chaos seems to matter because you look into the eyes of this beautiful new baby and it all goes away. Although I'm scared to think about what my birthing process will be like this time, I am so excited to get to experience a newborn all over again.