2 months

Today happens to be 2 months since we lost the baby. During my follow up visit with the dr, I told him that I really wanted a copy of the ultrasound pictures. He didn't think it was possible, but he was able to get me a disk. That actually works better for me, because I can put it away with the cards and things that I kept, and not have to worry about them getting messed up. I picked up the disk earlier this week, and found this picture where they measured the age that the baby had stopped growing. I was 15 weeks, however, the baby measured only 11 weeks and 1 day. In so many ways, my life has been a whirlwind these past few months. I've been forced to deal with things personally that have been locked away for so long. I've been trying to keep up with all of the work being a stay at home mom brings me, and still find time to grieve over this child. Sometimes it is a struggle for me to comprehend that I won't be holding this baby, nursing this baby, or raising this baby. By now, I would be nice and round, with a very active baby growing inside of me. But that wasn't God's plan, and I know his is far greater than mine could ever be. This experience has been a great eye opener for me in many ways. It has brought a greater understanding to me that my children have been entrusted to me, but ultimately, they belong to God. I will cherish every day he has given me with these children, because I know it is truly a gift and a blessing. It has also made me far more sensitive to my sisters who have experienced this as well, and also the ones who haven't been blessed with children. It has made me more aware, and made me see the need to teach my daughter that even though we want a baby, it may not be in Gods will. He may have a different plan for us, a better plan, and we should trust his plan. I do know that in this situation, I can see growth in many areas of my life. He has caused me to trust him, and depend on him more and more each day. I am thankful for this growth, and for this dependence on my Savior. I pray that as I deal with life, that Christ will always remain my focus, and my strength, and that in all I do, it would be for the glory of His name.