Contentment

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction." 1 Timothy 6:6-9


I'm content with less. Over my journey of being a Christian, my heart has changed dramatically on this. I no longer desire to buy more things and fill my life with stuff. We have worked hard and paid off almost all of our debt. I am very frugal at the grocery store, and buy most of our clothes from the clearance rack. I enjoy this. I enjoy NOT spending money! But this change of heart has brought me a great source of dissatisfaction. When we bought our home nearly 4 years ago, we were a 2 income family of 3. Now we are a 1 income family of soon to be 5, and we feel the strain. Our mortgage is ridiculous, we could pay rent at 2 apartments for what we pay for our mortgage. For nearly 2 years now, I have wanted to downsize. I have this master plan of how we could sale the house and move to an apt. and save up, then buy land and build in a way that would leave us completely debt free. This has been eating at me for awhile now, I'm tired of having "too much". My husband doesn't think we should sale right now because we still need to do some work to the house, and he doesn't want to be upside down on the mortgage. He is right, and I know that. I trust his opinion. After all, he is the leader of this family, I should trust in his judgement. I've felt that my attitude is okay because I'm not wanting more, I want less! That's okay right? Well it hit me yesterday that my attitude is wrong, and sinful. In reality, I'm not trusting my husband, or God. I think I know best, and I have it all figured out. If everything would just go exactly as I say, then I would be happy. I'm not happy with what I have, I'm not thankful. When it is time for us to move, God will provide a way. I know this. We have never done without, we have never had trouble paying bills, everything has always worked out. Sure, we miss out on some things like eating out with friends, and movie days, things like that. But I'm okay with that, I've got everything I need.
God, please forgive my ungrateful attitude. Help me to trust in you as my provider, and be thankful for everything you have given me. Change my heart to desire the things you want for my life, instead of desiring my own way.