My biggest insecurity

Today I'm supposed to post a picture of my biggest insecurity. Really? I'm not sure how I would go about posting a picture of that. I'm not 100% sure I really want to even answer this question at all. ;)
In my close relationships, or I guess any relationship for that matter, I am very insecure about confrontation. For as long as I can remember, my family's way of dealing with problems was to not deal with them at all. You either act as though nothing ever happened, or you stop speaking. In fact, Brian is probably the only person I have ever felt comfortable voicing my feelings and concerns to. This, obviously, is not good. Problems WILL arise in relationships, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life pretending that I'm not hurt by things that should hurt me. I also don't want to spend the rest of my life cutting ties with people that have hurt my feelings. It has taken a lot of work, and is still a work in progress, but with help I now have the tools I need to be confident in confronting problems as an adult.

Something that has made a huge impact

I'm thinking that this 30 day challenge will have to be a Monday-Saturday thing, because Sundays are just too busy for me to be able to blog. Today I'm supposed to post a picture of something that has made a huge impact on my life recently. I'll update it and add a picture later. The thing that has made a huge impact on my life is my 4th pregnancy. My last pregnancy ended at 15 weeks in miscarriage, so this pregnancy has been completely different than my others. I am now more aware of the chances of miscarriage. To be honest, I had never really been concerned about my other pregnancies. I just took for granted that because I was pregnant, I would have a happy healthy baby. Now, I count every single day with this baby growing inside of me a huge, undeserved blessing. It is scary to think that at any moment, I could no longer be pregnant. This can cause me to react one of two ways: Either I will live in a constant fear of the unknown, or I will trust that God has complete control of life and death, and nothing will happen apart from His perfect will. Sometimes, I teeter-totter between the two. I try not to live in fear, but alas, I'm still fighting my flesh. A few nights ago I was going through my emails and came across one a dear friend sent to me right after the miscarriage. It was so sweet, and encouraging. I was very blessed to have had so many strong Christians around me to build me up and keep me focused. Still, the sad feeling loomed over me for the next couple of days. Then, yesterday at church, our preacher talked about Christians suffering using Hebrews 12:3-17. You can listen to it here. I really enjoyed the sermon, and felt conviction and joy both at the same time. I needed that. I was reminded all over again that God knows my every need, and he provides everything I need at the perfect time, according to His will. This pregnancy is going well. I've seen the baby, heard the baby, and felt the baby. I pray that in about 4 more months, I'll get to hold this sweet little boy in my arms. Most of all, I pray that God's will be done, and that I would praise him through it all.

Who inspires me

The person who most inspires me is my Mawmaw. She is a wonderful, godly woman who has taught me more in her actions and lifestyle than probably any other person. She is a Mom to 8 children, and numerous grandchildren and great grandchildren. She has always made holidays so special, and I'm pretty sure she is responsible for teaching me the true meaning of Christmas. Not that our parents celebrated anything other than Christ on Christmas, but I really learned from her. I remember we would sit down and she would tell us the story of Jesus birth, and we would each have to pick out a bible verse that we liked, and go around the room and read it and say why we liked it. Then she would give out presents. Now, I know how tight money can be, and can only imagine how tight it is with such a large family, but her gifts always meant the most to me. She would make us gives like bunny rabbits, and one year he made us pillows that had a bible verse on it. I still have those things. =) Now she gives us each $2 dollar bills and writes on them. She has endured much hardship, with more grace and dignity than I have ever seen. She is forgiving, loving, and kind-always. Now, I'm sure she fails, and has no problem letting you know her shortcomings. But, at the heart of it, she loves Jesus and desires to serve him and bring glory to his name. There is nothing more beautiful than that in a woman. It wasn't until I was saved that I truly realized that the things she does, the way she acts, the grace she shows is not from herself or for herself, it is a gift of God used to glorify God. I pray that I'm half the woman she is one day.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

Something I'd like to do before I die...

I'd like to fly on a commercial airplane to some beautiful place I've never been! I've never been on a commercial airplane, only on a little plane at a flight school. That was really a neat experience, but only a glimpse into what it is like on a large plane. As much as it terrifies me, I'd love to fly somewhere someday!

A person I couldn't imagine life without...

That is easy. That would be my most amazing, wonderful husband. He is always the person I want to talk to about anything- good or bad. He understand and knows me in ways that nobody else ever will because for a great portion of my life, he was there. He is so gracious with me even when I don't deserve it. Praise God for sending me such a loving leader who loves me in a self sacrificial way.

Favorite Artist

Just so you know, I have a really hard time picking a favorite anything. I'm the kind of person who wants to have multiple favorites. ;)

I really like Chris Tomlin. I like his voice, and I love his music. Yes, this is going to be a very short blog, but I've got 2 loads of laundry surrounding me and it is almost time to cook dinner. =)

Funny stuff =)

My girl is full of laughs today. Today we found out the sex of our newest baby...it's a BOY! We thought it would be cute to have her read the ultrasound picture to find out the sex, and we recorded it. Those of you who are facebook friends can see the video here. I love how after she reads the word boy, she tries to go to the next picture as though it will reveal something different, like she is really having a sister lol!

This evening we decided to watch the movie Where the Red Fern grows. I LOVED the book as a child, so I couldn't wait to watch the movie again. This was her first time seeing it, and when Old Dan passed away and they buried him she started to laugh. Confused, I asked her why she was laughing at that. Her response, "Because it looks like they are trying to grow that dog!" caused Brian and I to laugh for the next 5 minutes. I won't lie, I actually bursted into laughter again just typing this. She has been gardening a lot with her Daddy lately, so I guess she naturally thought that if you bury something in the ground it MUST be with the hopes of something growing.

This part isn't so funny, but I thought I would note it anyways. Before starting dinner I was laminating and cutting out pictures for my Wed. night class tomorrow when Kaylee walked inside crying. I figured she got in trouble or something because she wasn't crying very hard. She came and sat in my lap and told me that she had fallen off of her bike and hit her head on the concrete. She wasn't wearing her helmet. She told me she was calling for me but I didn't come. I felt terrible, so I babied her for a bit and got her some ice. We sat outside and watched Daddy finish changing the oil while I held the ice on her head. Brian said that he was trying to console her when she fell, but she kept saying, "Momma, hurry up, come here Momma". Break my heart! :(  After giving her a bath tonight I can see the biggest bump she has ever had so far. She was so tough though! My baby is growing up so fast!

I love...

Ok, I intentionally skipped day 11. Truthfully, I don't like some of these questions. I probably should have read them more thoroughly before deciding to go ahead with this challenge. Day 12 is supposed to be something I love. I've posted about my family, friends, salvation, and bible-so in an attempt to not be so repetitive, I'm going to post about something else I love. FOOD!

I made these brownies awhile back, they are called Cobblestone Brownies-and they are GOOD! I like all kinds of different foods. I love to try new food, and am generally not a picky person. Now, don't think this is just the pregnancy talking...I've always been a lover of good food. I guess that's what happens when you grow up with a Momma that can cook good. Sometimes I still crave her food! =)

Some of my favorites are currently crawfish, mushrooms, fried porkchops, mashed potatoes, a special green bean recipe that includes bacon, zuchinni..Ok, let me stop before this list gets too long. You get the point...food is good!

Day 10

Day 10 is a picture of the person you do the most "messed" up things with. I didn't really want to participate in this one-not because I don't do "messed" up things- but because I don't desire to do "messed" up things. I don't want to post on the internet as though my greatest friendships are the ones that cause me to sin. Indeed, they are not. My greatest friendships are those that show me my sin, hold me accountable to the word of God, pray for/with me, and have a desire for sanctification.

So, that being said, I'll post a picture of some of those friends. Make no mistake, we are great sinners. We fail all the time. However, we have relationships that are rooted deeply in the love of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of that, we desire to fight the flesh and glorify His name.

The person who has gotten me through the most

The person who has gotten me through the most would have to be Jesus Christ. Now, I've not seen him face to face, so a picture of the cross will have to do.

A little over 2 years ago, God lead us to a church in Mont Belvieu, Tx where we heard a sermon on how Christians ought to live, and what true repentance is. God used our pastor and that sermon in a mighty way, breaking through my prideful heart and my "good person" mentality, and cutting to the core truth that would bring me to my knees: I am a great sinner against a Holy God and in desperate need of a Savior. That is when I first trusted in the gospel, the true gospel. I grew up knowing about Jesus, but had never understood my need for Him as my Savior. I would call myself a sinner, but never contemplate the depth of my sin, or the punishment the bible said it deserved. Sometimes, at night, I would pray to God and say sorry, but never with the intentions of changing my ways. I had never truly repented, I had never turned my eyes to Christ. There are a lot of people in my life that have helped me through difficult situations, and truly been there for me more times than I can count, but, without Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, they are all meaningless. If Jesus Christ is not my hope in this lifetime-I have no hope at all. This entire life, every breath, is in vain if my prize is not in heaven, seeing my Savior face to face. Jesus Christ gave his life as a ransom for the sin that I deserve punishment for. Without him, I would be destined for hell for all of eternity.

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. 1 Timothy 1:15

For  I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve. 1 Corinthians 15:3-5

A picture that makes me laugh

 A few months ago I pulled out our wedding video and watched it with Kaylee. After the video, she disappeared to her room, and came down like this. It is her Cinderella dress (over her clothes) with her play heels and a fitted sheet over her head as a veil. The picture is cute enough, but the part that makes me laugh is that she pulled the sheet out of her dirty clothes. She had peed in her bed the night before, and forgot I guess. I asked her where she got the sheet and she said, "My dirty clothes..." The look on her face completely changed when she realized she had peed on it and it was now on her head. She was totally grossed out and quickly took it off lol. The girl is silly, and never ceases to make me laugh. =)

My treasure

My bible is probably my most treasured item. Most days, I don't treat it like it is my most treasured item. Sadly enough, some days, I fail to even open it.

Still-this is where God reveals Himself and His will. This is where God tells me of his all sufficient grace when I fail. This is the ultimate authority in my life, and the unchanging, unwavering truth. If I hear something crazy from some preacher and want to know if it is true, I can go to God's word. No matter how many times I open it and read the same words, I'm ALWAYS learning something new-God is always working in me. In other countries people are persecuted for even owning a bible-yet in America we have them everywhere and don't really stop and think about what a treasure it really is.

This God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. Psalm 18:30

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Trading places

Who would I like to trade places with for one day? I can't name anyone. I've pretty much got it made where I'm at now. God has blessed me, and I'm thankful for all of his goodness to me.
I would, however, like to spend a day with a large (6+ kids) homeschooling family, just to see how it works for them. I've always been amazed at how women can handle that many kids and most times just my 2 stress me out. ;)

Just noting

I just wanted to blog for my memories...because if I don't, I'll forget. ;)
My little uterus tenant has now decided that when I lay down to relax would be the perfect time to do jumping jacks. I've read that this is because my movement during the day lulls them to sleep, so when I lay down he/she wakes up to play. This is a special moment in every pregnancy, when you no longer have to try to figure out if you are feeling movement or just gas. ;) I've definitely been feeling little jabs a LOT today!! =)

Favorite memory

My favorite memory would have to be becoming a mom for the first time. There is an unexplainable joy that comes with becoming a Mom. Somehow, some way, all of the pain your just endured seems to just disappear when you first hold your newborn in your arms. Of course, the new mom bliss wears off after about a week or so of no sleep. ;) It seriously changed my whole world in ways indescribable. I'm thankful that God blessed me with my sweet little girl almost 5 years ago!

My favorite night

Sorry the picture is such poor quality- it is a picture of a picture and its the best I could get.

My favorite night was my wedding night. =)

Not only because it is the night I married my best friend, but it is also the last time we were able to have both of our families together and semi-happy at one time. These pictures are very special to me because I am almost certain it will never happen again. ;)

I love both of our families very much.

Favorite tv show

Okay, this one is really hard. We don't have cable- or regular television for that matter- so we really don't watch much tv. When we do watch tv online, we will sometimes watch House. I like it, so I guess I'll use that as my favorite. ;)

My closest friend

This one is easy. Hands down, my husband has been my closest friend for the longest. We met and began unofficially dating when I was 15, and have been pretty much inseparable since. He knows all of my many, many flaws, and loves me anyways. He is the only person I have ever felt I can share everything with-the good, bad, and ugly. He listens when I need him, and knows just what to say-or not say- to make me feel better. Watching him grow in the Lord is so amazing. I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together.

It's all about me!

10 Facts about me:

1) I like to eat. A lot. You can't tell by my size, but I struggle with eating way too much. If dinner is really good, I'll have to push my plate out of reach to keep from stuffing myself to the point of misery.

2) My daughter is terrified of men. There are only a handful of men she even feels comfortable talking to. Why is this a fact about me? Well, I'm kind of the same way. Brian is the only man who isn't family that I've ever been close with.

3) I am very blessed. God has had mercy on me and saved my wretched soul. He has given me a loving, godly husband, and beautiful children. He has given me a church with wonderful preachers and a great church family. My friends are amazing, and some of them are closer than family. My family is a huge blessing and I love them so very much. All of these things and more I'm forever thankful for.

4) I cook pretty much everyday. Not only do I prefer home cooked meals as opposed to eating out, I'm a huge fan of saving money. Surprisingly, I don't really LIKE to cook. I like to eat much more than I like to cook.

5) I'm not creative at all. Not even a little bit.

6) I tend to talk way too much. I think it runs in my family. ;)

7) I only trust a handful of people to keep my babies for me. I have a great fear of what will happen when Brian and I aren't around.

8) I've never been on an airplane. Well, not on a commercial flight anyways. Once Brian took me on a small airplane for an anniversary.

9) I don't watch scary movies, ever. I have nightmares as it is, so watching a scary movie is a guaranteed night of nightmares. No thanks, I'll pass.

10) I REALLY miss Astroworld! Especially since my kids are getting bigger. Kaylee loves riding rides at carnivals, and I wish we could have gone to Astroworld together. :/

30 Day Challenge

I've jumped on the 30 day challenge bandwagon. At first I didn't want to add something to do that I would just forget about, but oh well, we will see how it goes. ;)

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts


Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 04 - A picture of your favorite night

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 25 - A picture of your favorite day

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

18 week check up

Today I went back to the Dr. for my monthly check up. I was super excited about this appt because it had been so long since the last one, and I've been super nervous. Anyway, everything is good. Heartbeat was loud and clear, it was 147. The baby has really grown a lot, and I'm definitely feeling the effects of it. I am easily out of breath now, and if I eat too much the baby really makes me pay for it. I've gained 6 lbs, which makes me a whopping 116. ;) Still, the Dr said it was a bit too much. I hear this every pregnancy...and usually about this time. He told me I should lay off of the sweets and fried foods, which happen to be two of my favorite things right now! In the back of my head I was thinking, "Hmm, I planned on making fried pork chops for dinner". My blood sugar was also a little high. It was 136, and she said normal is 100 or below. It is probably because I had just eaten breakfast and drank a glass of cranberry grape juice. She didn't seem concerned about it, so I won't be either. I also opted out of the trisomy test today. That is the test where they check for down syndrome and other abnormalities. Whether the test were to come back positive or negative, my outcome remains the same, abortion is absolutely not an option. Children are a blessing, even if they aren't "perfect", whatever that is. It breaks my heart to think a mother could love her child any less due to an abnormality. Sure, I understand the huge task it is caring for a child with such great needs, but it is still your child. The Dr told me of a patient who had a baby with severe down syndrome. He said the child is around 7 now, and every time he sees the mom she asks why he didn't terminate the pregnancy. That just breaks my heart that a mother could look at her child and wish he/she wasn't there. My Dr doesn't terminate pregnancies anyway, but he told me of a Jewish group downtown that would terminate christian pregnancies. He also said there were a few Muslim Dr's down there that love to terminate christian pregnancies. Interesting, eh? Last, but certainly not least, he scheduled the ultrasound!! I will go in 2 weeks to, Lord willing, find out the sex of the baby!! I am SO excited to see the little munchkin! =) I'll also have my glucose test done the same day.
This picture isn't from today, but it is from Monday and will have to do. ;)